Death

My mom's mother died yesterday. Nana is what I called her. I wasn't extremely close to her because I did not grow up with her around. (that's another post) I was sad in her passing, but not for the reasons why most people would think. I was sad because I know this is going to hurt my mom really bad. When my uncle, her brother, committed suicide in 2003 she was really really shaken by the death. I think because of my faith in the afterlife I am comfortable with death. I am not afraid of it. I am not looking forward to it if it's painful, but to me it represents the next stage in life.

I have thought about death a lot this year. My dad's father passed away in October of this year. My step mother's mother is about to pass as well. I think the thing that brings this to light more is that my parents are next. All my life I have grown up with my grandparents and now they are all dead.

There was a time in my life where I wanted to die. I wanted to cease living on this earth. I was extremely depressed. I was stressed out and I was praying for Heavenly Father to help me to have the strength to get through that troubled part in my life. It was a very dark period of my life as you will learn through more posts, but this one is about death. I was a cutter. I thought about slicing my wrists. I took a razor blade and made little cuts across the veins on my wrists to see how deep I could cut without cutting. I thought about driving off a cliff. I thought about ramming my car in the back of the semi in front of me. I thought about taking a lot of pills. I thought about stabbing myself in the leg with a broken beer bottle. I thought about burning myself. Death was something that I thought about on a daily basis.

Why would anyone want to kill themselves? I have asked myself that question about a million times. Everyone has their reasons and they are all varied, but it all comes down to is that some people just don't know who they are. Seriously. It's that easy. But you can't see that when you are depressed. You need help to get out of the hole you dug for yourself. The trick is to avoid the hole in the first place. Would it have helped me to know who I was? Well, I DID know who I was. I was raised knowing that I was a child of God. But like I said, you have to avoid the hole.

I fell in and couldn't get out. I fell in when I was about 11 and I didn't get out until I was 30. That is a LONG time in the hole. But that is also another post. (See why I need this blog? :) ) So back to death. Death is sometimes seen as something final. But it's not! It's the thing that helps you go to the next stage in life. Too often we think about life on this earth and forget that we came from somewhere and are going somewhere. I honestly can not believe that I came from a single cell organism and am destined to recycle myself back into the earth. If that were the case, what the heck am I doing here? What is the purpose of being good or being bad for that matter? Can you honestly look at your life and say, there is nothing after this? If so, WHY ARE YOU READING THIS BLOG? LOL JK

Just think about it people. Think about your motives and your feelings about the things you do on a daily basis. What is your motivation? Honestly?

So, lay your head down on your pillow at night and know that your Heavenly Father loves you. Yes he loves YOU!